lunes, 24 de agosto de 2009

OUTLINE AND INTRODUCTORY ESSAY (FIRST DRAFT)

OUTLINE
I. Introduction
  • General information(name,age,occupation)
  • Physical appearance
  • Where I born

II. Paragraph 1

  • What I like and dislike

*Things that I like (music,food,TV programs)

*Things that I dislike (Fruits,colors)

III. Paragraph 2

  • Plans for the near future

*Get a job before finishing the BA

*Finish the BA

*Buy a car

IV. Paragraph 3

  • Plans for further future

*Look for a scholarship for a master degree.

*Create an institue of English

*Travel

V. Conclusion

  • Information about me
  • My likes and dislikes
  • My plans for the future.
ESSAY
Hello, my name is Andrea. I´m tweny-one yeards old.I´m a student from the BA in English Language Teaching. I´m in third semester of the BA and I have to say that this major seems to be good. But let´s talk more about me. I´m a girl who has long hair and it´s color is black. I wear glasses. My height is 1.67 m. I´m kind of thin. Recently, I´m living in Aguascalientes, but where I was born is in San Juan de los Lagos, Jalisco.

I want to share with you my likes and dislikes. First, the things that I like. I like to eat pasta that`s my favorite food. Also I like mexican food like tamales, enchiladas and burritos. Another thing that I like is music. The kind of music that prefer the most is pop music. Also I listen to rock music, but the not the heavy one. Those are my favorite kind of music that I like to listen and to sing, even I`m not a good singer. The last thing that I want to share, talking about my likes is the t.v. programs that I prefer to watch. Those programs are Grey`s Anatomy, The first 48, The Simpson, Scrubs, Cold case, among others. These are things that I like, but also there are other things that I dislike. For example, fruits that I don´t like are: papaya, pear, and prickly pear. Another thing that I hate are some colors like yellow color and orange color. These likes and dislikes were the most important.

As I said before I`m a student, and I have some plans to my life while I`m doing it. In first place, I want to get a job as an English teacher before I finish the career because that job will give me the experience that I will need as a teacher.
Also I would like to earn my own money. In second place, I will finish the career on time. I hope that it be really on time. In third place, I will buy a car with the money that I got save. Because now is very important to get a car specially if as a teacher has more than one job at different schools.
Those were just some plans for the future, but also I have some plans too for my further future. First, I want to look for a scholarship because I would like to have a master degree. I would like to do it in London. I think that if I have a master; I will be a better teacher. Second, I want to create an institute of English in my town where people can have access to learn English in the best way and quality. Third, after I achieve those plans I want to take a break for traveling. I would like to go to Miami or maybe Sydney. That would be great.

Finally, I want to say that was a pleasure to share with you my identity, my likes and dislikes and my plans. Those things are the ones that are part of my life. And talking about my plans I hope that I can accomplish it in the right moment.

2 comentarios:

  1. Hello Andrea:

    I belive that your essay is good. The handle of the language is correct.
    Your essay follows the structure of the outline, the items that you mentioned in your essay are interesting, all the things that you comented about you, let to the reader form and a clear idea about you.

    Congratulations good essay¡¡¡

    ResponderEliminar
  2. Hey Hey Sexy Andre:

    First let me tell you that you wrote a very good essay, your introductive, conclusive and body paragraphs are great. However you have to work on in vocabulary because you repeated some words a lot: like, music,plans, color, etc. you have to be careful with that. Look for synonyms, for example instead of like you can write enjoy, love, etc.

    Another thing is that you had some spelling and word order mistakes, and you missing some words.

    In the first paragraph must be twenty.
    ..I´m tweny-one..

    In the same paragraph you can write long black hair instead of what you wrote.

    …I´m a girl who has long hair and it´s color is black…

    In the second paragraph you are missing I between the words that and prefer. Also you can erase the second word music and write: is the pop genre or something like that.

    …The kind of music that prefer the most is pop music….

    There in the same paragraph you have to erase the word the because it breaks the idea.

    …Also I listen to rock music, but the not the heavy one…

    At the end of this paragraph in the sentence below you have an error in the subject-verb agreement.

    …Another thing that I hate are some colors …

    Also in the last sentence of this paragraph you idea looks incomplete:
    ..These likes and dislikes were the most important…

    Well Andre I hope that you find useful my comments to check your essay !!!!

    ResponderEliminar